A lot of uncertainty has surrounded the past few weeks. Do I continue working and fulfilling a dream I never thought possible or do I take the next few years to enjoy my babies being little?
I have combed through different scenarios on what seems to be every possible outcome of each decision and have decided that right now, the best thing for my family is for me to focus my time and energy on creating a home and being a bomb ass mom.
I have chosen to ignore comments on the good and bad of being a stay at home mom and focused on how I feel about the situation. At the end of the day, I feel more guilty missing out on little milestones that each of our kids achieves. There have recently been days that I do not get to see our kids but for 30 minutes in the morning. That is not to say that this feeling will not change. It very much may change a week into being a SAHM, but I will never know if I do not try. I miss cooking a fun meal for dinner. I miss having weekends to relax. I miss being able to provide for our family from the home.
Before making this big decision on being a SAHM, my husband and I had an earnest talk. And then we talked some more. And then again, we talked some more. Seriously, I think he was getting tired of me playing out all the scenarios of me working vs. being a stay at home mom.
But all of those talks that we continue to have are very important. Our family operates on the Team Work Makes the Dream Work mentality. If he does not feel like I am contributing enough to the family, then there is an issue. With me being a SAHM I want him to know that the home front is taken care of and that when he is home, he can relax. Except for maybe weed eating. He can continue doing that part.
With this open dialogue, we continue to have about the transition of me working full time to becoming a SAHM we have been able to make a plan. In a sense we are both getting a new job – mine as a full-time SAHM and his as the sole provider. Having this plan in place will make managing expectations easier.
I am sure there will be days where I wish I were sitting in an office helping design amazing spaces. But for now, I am confident in my choice to become a stay at home mom. I have already begun signing up for volunteer opportunities to help bridge the gap in my resume and will continue studying on various topics related to design. I can always go back to work, but I can not turn back the hands of time and watch little, kissable feet grow into big, smelly feet.